woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
