I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
