i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
