The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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