he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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