you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
