ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
