I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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