I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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