i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
