Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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