before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
