Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
