This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
