overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
