I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
