Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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