I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
