Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
