I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
