It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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