he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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