Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
