I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
