Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
