Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
