I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
