I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
