you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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