He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
