If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
