No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
