Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
