Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
