We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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