the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
