do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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