I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
