sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize