We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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