I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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