Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
