can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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