There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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