I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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