i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
