omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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