oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
