Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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