my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
