dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
