He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
