My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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