We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fuck appropriateness.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
