Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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