fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
