I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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