i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize