I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
