what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The air was thick with penises
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
