the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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