I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
