I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
