apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
