he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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