Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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