I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize