He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
