Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
