I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
