oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I just put wine in my tea
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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