Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
