sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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